V is for Vaati
by Tek Sonay
Summary: He was everything. He was determined to HAVE everything. And then it all started when that freakin' king of Hyrule just had to go and -!
1. V is for Vaati

**Summary:** He was everything. He was determined to HAVE everything. And then it all started when that freakin' king of Hyrule just had to go and -!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Legend of Zelda. If I tried to claim ownership of Vaati, you would all attack me.

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_"V is for Vaati"_

**Chapter 1: V is for Vaati**

Vaati could feel their eyes on him as he strode across the petal strewn paths of Hyrule Town.

As victor of the annual Picori Festival's sword tournament, he had gained instant fame among the town citizens. Hylian males thought of his ruthless skill with a blade and gazed at him in awe. Although they did think his poofy red pants and crimson eyes were a bit odd. And cloaks were too warm for the spring weather.

Hylian females saw that he was a foreigner and became instantly attracted to him. They loved the handsomeness of his face and his confident, gliding walk.

They glowered at his hair. The females observed his long, lustrous lavender locks and wondered why such pretty hair was on _his_ head instead of theirs.

So the men of Hyrule Town noticed the women gazing at the successful stranger, and they puffed themselves up and gave Vaati mixed looks of respect and jealousy. And the women of Hyrule Town saw the men staring at the purple-haired foreigner, so they touched their own locks under the sun and tilted their heads coyly, secretly hoping to catch the eye of the victor called Vaati.

Vaati loved it. He reveled in it, wondering if their fear would taste even sweeter.

Back when Vaati had been a tiny Minish, living within the Minish Village in the heart of the Minish Woods, he had tired of all things Minish and rebelled. His Master Ezlo, a sage craftsman, had created a magical cap that granted its wearer any wish. Vaati stole it. He wished to become a powerful sorcerer, and with new magic coursing through him, he had turned Master Ezlo into a living cap. Vaati also transformed himself into a "My goodness, what a good-looking -!" human, as he later came to hear himself described.

Then his crimson eyes had turned towards Hyrule Town.

It took Vaati two days to escape the woods. Though he would never admit it, he had gotten lost; being human put the world in a different perspective. Happening upon South Hyrule Field, he had quickly hid behind a tree when a hammer-wielding old man and a boy wandered past.

Vaati had considered transforming them into something. _'Not a cap. Maybe a pair of sandals...'_ he thought, imagining their cries as he stomped around in them. Suddenly, the old man had hammered the ground right next to Vaati's tree, startling him.

"And BAM!" the geezer exclaimed, laughing as he stroked his beard. "And that's how I finished off my second to last opponent fifty years ago! My next fight was with the king!" He ruffled the boy's blonde hair.

_'As if his hair wasn't bad enough already,'_' Vaati thought, eyeballing the kid's cowlick with distaste.

"But I already told you about that battle," the old man had continued. "You'll get to see the sword tournament yourself next week at the annual Picori Festival! It might not be as good as it was in the old days, but it's exciting to watch."

"Ah, the Picori Festival's Sword-Tournament," Vaati had said when the old man and the boy left. The victor of the tournament won a new blade as well as the honor of touching the ancient Picori Blade in the Bound Chest.

Vaati didn't want the new sword. He wanted what he thought was _inside_ that Bound Chest: the Light Force.

Vaati passed under an archway decorated with twirling stars and winked at a young woman. He smirked as she swooned into her friend's arms.

_'The Light Force...'_ he thought. _'... Unlimited power!'_ he thought. Vaati's eyes dilated as an evil laugh threatened to escape. He subtly quickened his pace.

As soon as he was past the walls of Hyrule Town leading into North Hyrule Field, he went behind a hedge and teleported. No point in walking the whole way. He appeared behind a large bush in front of Hyrule Castle's drawbridge.

The two soldiers standing guard brought their spears up when Vaati stepped out in the open.

"Oh! It's the magnificent Vaati, winner of the tournament! We're saved!" one of the guards cried. They relaxed considerably in relief.

Vaati arched a brow as one guard ran to announce him, and the other nervously gestured for him to hurry inside.

"You're in danger here, sir," the soldier explained. "There's been an accident!"

When Vaati entered the Castle Garden, a not-so-ceremonious sight met his eyes. Soldiers were everywhere, poking their weapons into hedges and flower beds. A unit jogged past him with barely a glance.

Vaati seethed. Was _this_ how they treated a champion? He crossed his arms and glared. Up ahead, there was a stalwart figure with red robes, a high white collar, and a gold crown.

_'So that's the king,'_ he mused. The King of Hyrule did not look particularly impressive. His face was sheepish as he conversed with an old man who wore huge glasses. One of the guards from the gate ran up to the king and bowed respectfully, relaying the message of Vaati's arrival.

"Finally," Vaati growled as the king looked his way. The king quickly called his men to attention and the courtyard stilled.

The King of Hyrule cleared his throat.

"Vaati," he boomed, "champion of the competition, you may -er, approach!"

Vaati across the courtyard, his violet cape swishing behind him.

_'That's more like it,'_ he smirked, seeing the awed expressions of his onlookers. Four soldiers marched out of the castle bearing an object on their shoulders. Was _that_ the Bound Chest? It looked more like a padded box.

Vaati decided this a good time to launch into his prepared speech.

"Heh heh heh..." he chuckled nastily. "To think things would go this well!"

Nearby, a young soldier looked to his captain.

"Sir, the champion is talking to himself!" he whispered. "Should we poke him with sharp objects?"

"Of course not, soldier," the captain said smartly back. "We only do that if he adds something like, 'This chest must hold that which I seek! I'll relieve you of its contents now.'"

"Oohhh... Yes, sir!"

The purple-haired mage watched the four soldiers carefully set down their burden. He peered at it. Where was the sword?

Then, much to his surprise and chagrin, the king strode over to the Bound Chest... and sat on it!

Rage flared inside of him. "What is this mockery?" Vaati hissed. "Where is the Picori Blade, and why are you sitting on the Bound Chest?"

The king looked embarrassed. "Oh, this isn't the Bound Chest," he rumbled, shifting uncomfortably. He cleared his throat again, glancing to his left. He motioned for a soldier to step forward.

"Victor, here is your prize," he said regally as the soldier neatly offered Vaati a sheathed blade.

Vaati ignored it. His red eyes bore into the king's "Where... is... the _Bound... Chest_," he gritted out. He was two seconds away from turning them all to stone.

"Your Highness owes him an explanation," the old man with the glasses sniffed, apparently upset with the king as well.

The King of Hyrule sighed heavily in resignation, deflating like a pastry. "Ah, you see..." He looked to the old man for help. He received the underside of a nose. "Hey now, don't be so callous, Minister Potho! Well... it sort of goes like this..." He looked at Vaati apologetically. "The traditional Sword Tournament Ceremony has been canceled."

"...And why is that?" Vaati asked cautiously. An uneasy feeling began to gnaw at him, as if he would soon see all of his careful planning unravel before his eyes.

"Because I accidentally, uh..." The king took another deep breath. "I accidentally broke the Bound Chest."


	2. A is for Accidentally

_"V is for Vaati"_

**Chapter 2: A is for Accidentally**

Vaati's face was a mask of shock. "You _broke_ the Bound Chest?" he shrieked.

"In pieces," the king pointed out, feeling the need to elucidate.

Vaati felt an uncontrollable twitch start in his eye. The wind began to swirl around him. "Was there something inside? A light of some sort?" he demanded.

The king thoughtfully looked at the sky, unaware of the danger. "Well, now that you mention it..."

_~flashback of the King of Hyrule~_

_"Your Majesty, what are you doing?" the Minister Potho cried, having discovered the King of Hyrule alone in the pristine and polished room where they had brought the Bound Chest. The king had his foot firmly planted on the chest and was gripping the Picori Blade's handle, pulling as hard as he could._

_"This blasted sword is rusted stuck," the king explained with a heave. "How is the victor of the Sword Tournament supposed to pull it in the ceremony? We can't have him embarrassed!"_

_"No, no, no," Potho said in exasperation, walking towards the king. "The victor is supposed to only touch it, not wield it! Don't you pay attention during the ceremony every year?"_

_At the king's silence, Potho let out a sigh. "Like daughter like father," he muttered. The king braced to yank out the sword again._

_"Well, at least know that the sword isn't rusted," Potho said quickly. "It has a seal on it that keeps the Bound Chest shut!"_

_"It what?" the king exclaimed._

_At that moment, the king's foot slipped on the polished floor, sending him crashing forward. Under the force of the king's weight and momentum, the Picori Blade snapped in two. His leg smashed through the Bound Chest, narrowly missing the remaining half of the blade inside._

_A bright light flashed. Suddenly, purple smoke spiraled up in a great whirlwind from the chest and surrounded the king. It was filled with hideous, howling monsters._

_The king stared in shock after the whirlwind dispersed, the monsters along with it._

_He gingerly climbed out of the wreck that was once the Bound Chest. He glanced at Minister Potho._

_"... I hope that wasn't an antique..."_

_Potho's eyes bulged._

_~end flashback~_

The King of Hyrule nodded in confirmation. "Oh yes, definitely. There was a great flash of light, and then monsters came out."

"Monsters," Vaati repeated tersely, stifling a curse.

"Thousands of them! Other than the broken Picori Blade, they're the main reason we had to cancel the official ceremony. We need to quickly seal them up again."

Vaati mentally screamed. Blast, blast, _blast!_ How could he have been wrong? He had been so certain the Light Force would be in that chest. After all, what kind of idiot would allow anyone to touch something that contained great evil?

_'No matter,'_ Vaati suddenly thought. _'How lucky for me that this king is a fool, telling such things to a total stranger! The monsters will serve as distractions while I find out where the _true_ Light Force is!'_

It was settled. Vaati was positively itching to use his newly acquired powers. He first planned to turn someone into stone, to incite fear. That Potho would make an interesting statue... Everyone else would be knocked away.

Then he would make a display of disappearing into thin air.

The king would send his soldiers to find him, therefore exposing himself so Vaati could make his move. He would throw the king in the dungeon and take his place. All it took was a simple spell to replicate someone's features...

"... but we will make it up to you!" the king was saying.

What was his name, Daphnes? Daltus? Vaati decided that "Dolt" would suffice.

But wait - an offer? Vaati held off drawing power to his hands and lifted his chin scornfully. Curiosity opened his ears.

"Tomorrow afternoon marks the outset of Hyrule Castle's three days of feasting! I must have an invitation somewhere..." "Dolt" patted his girth before reaching into his waist sash. He pulled out a small crisp envelope. "Hmm..." he muttered, peering at it. "This was for Ganondorf... hmm, but, oh well, here!"

The invitation was practically thrust into Vaati's hands.

"A party?" Vaati gaped in disbelief. "You would have an undefeated sword champion attend a mere party?"

"A feast!" Dolt cheerfully boomed. "A banquet! A place to eat and eat lots of delicious food!" At Vaati's persistent scowl, he added: "And plenty of people to hero-worship you! And wine! And pretty damsels!"

Vaati perked up.

"If you say yes within the next ten seconds," Dolt added slyly, "I'll even reserve a seat for you at the head of my table."

Vaati raised a brow. Just how stupid _was_ this man? Vaati was already a threat; he saw the way the guards eyed him in suspicion. Yet this king welcomed him with open arms to dine with him.

This was just too good of an opportunity to pass!

"Agreed," swiftly consented Vaati, seeing that the Dolt was actually counting ten seconds down on his fingers.

"Eight... seven... six..." the Dolt continued to count.

Vaati twitched. "I will go!" he said.

"... four... three..."

Oh, what was that confounded word?

"Yes!" Vaati yelled, watching the king's fingers curl down to one. Dolt calmly put down his hands.

"Good!" Dolt said, beaming. Stupidly. "I look forward to your attendance. Until then, victor."

Vaati gave a curt nod and whirled around. Soon, a pointy grin spread on his face. He had never imagined things would be this easy, even though they had been difficult at first. If only Ezlo could see him now...

"Take _that_, you old geezer!" he yelled as he strolled through the gate, unable to stifle his glee any longer. The two standing guard jumped. Vaati cackled and began to teleport, his body engulfed in shadow. The guards' jaws dropped. They rubbed their eyes, and when they opened them again, Vaati was gone.

A breeze blew across their faces.

"_Heh heh heh_..."

...

Nearby, two pairs of blue eyes watched the purple mage disappear. They looked at each other. Then they drew away from the window.


	3. A is for Annoyed

**A/N:** Haha, first of all, I'd like to mention that although King Daltus appears to be a total imbecile, you have to remember that this story is mostly from Vaati's perspective. And Vaati doesn't have the kindest opinion of most people.

Of course, the King's somewhat lackadaisical behavior in _Minish Cap_ didn't help his case much... ;)

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_"V is for Vaati"_

**Chapter 3: A is for Annoyed**

"And then BAM!"

"Bam, bam, _bam_!"

***SMASH***

The old geezer's cackle drove like a hammer into Vaati's ear.

The purple mage gripped his eating utensil tightly, a tendon straining in his pale neck. When he had accepted the invitation to the feast, he hadn't known that it would be like _this_!

Hyrule Castle's banquet hall was brightly decorated with golden stars and banners. Its stone walls polished until they glowed, the guests were festively arrayed, and blah, blah, blah. Vaati cared for their decorating skills very little. He was sitting at a long oak table atop a dais, his back to the wall. From his vantage point, Vaati could gaze over the banquet hall at the other tables and their guests.

That dolt king had been right about one thing: the hero-worship kept coming. Three women in particular kept glancing at him from their seats and giggling, earning a wink for their attention. One had green hair, one had blue hair, and one's hair was red. The red head couldn't seem to keep her hungry eyes off him.

Vaati probably wouldn't have kept his eyes off of her, either, if it hadn't been for his table companions.

Dolt had been true to his word and placed Vaati at the head table. He was seated at the King's own left hand. However, what Vaati had never expected was to be placed between the king... and the loud old man from the forest.

How delightful it was for Vaati when he discovered that these two old men were _best friends_.

Unfortunately, there was no wine.

"...So with our shoulders angled determinedly, we ***bam!* **rushed outta that cage and burst into freedom! And we vowed right then and there never to visit Percy the Poet again."

The king laughed heartily and shuddered simultaneously. "Haha! Ugh, that was simply awful. Makes a great story, though." King Dolt grinned, looking over Vaati's head. "Smith, tell our sword champion about the time we challenged each other to a tree stump smashing contest."

Smith leaned back and stroked his beard. "...Hmm..."

"You know, the one where we could only use a hammer to smash a tree stump into the ground?"

Vaati screamed inside. _'No, no, no!'_

"Well," Smith began, his hand instinctively fisting, "it started like this..."

"I have a story," Vaati interrupted. "Once upon a time, there was a man who hated stories."

"Good heavens, you don't say!" King Dolt exclaimed.

"I bet he got reeeal ugly," the Smith commented. "You see, bad things tend to happen to people who hate stories."

Vaati huffed self-consciously and flicked his head so his hair cascaded around his shoulders.

"Go on," the King encouraged.

Vaati sighed in annoyance and picked up a knife, preparing to cut the Lon Lon Cheese. "Go on with what?"

"Why, your story, of course! You never finished it."

"The ending was _implied_."

Smith nodded sagely. "Told you so." Vaati looked at him in annoyed confusion.

Their conversation paused when the king suddenly tensed, sucking a deep breath of air into his lungs. "Blast!" the Dolt grumbled. "She's done it again."

Vaati and Smith looked at him, one in curiosity and one in understanding.

"Who?" Vaati asked.

"My daughter," Dolt said distractedly, staring at the seat hidden from Vaati's view. "Princess Zelda."

An eyebrow lifted as Vaati entertained his thoughts.

_'Mmm... Princess Zelda, he said?'_ Vaati had overheard that she was beautiful, with long golden hair and large dark eyes. He wondered if he should alter his plans for gaining control over Hyrule. He wouldn't mind taking a powerful, beautiful woman for his bride.

Smith crossed his arms and chuckled. "I told you, Daltus, let 'em live while they're still young. They're probably just off having an adventure. Besides, you and I both know that they're not foolish enough to leave the castle." He lowered his voice. "Those monsters could cause a lot of trouble if we don't figure out how to get rid of them, Daltus."

Vaati ignored the comment about the monsters that had been released from the Bound Chest and asked a question. "You said 'they'. Who is with the princess?"

"Ah, that would be Link," the Dolt answered. The king had finally peeled his eyes from the princess's empty seat and settled them on his brimming plate. He picked up a fork and crammed a crème-filled pastry into his mouth. "She and Link are insheperable," he explained around the food.

_'Ah, so I have a rival,'_ Vaati mused.

A vassal approached bearing fresh beverages, giving Vaati a blessed minute of reprieve from his stifling table companions.

Vaati thought about his plan and wondered if he should go ahead and execute it. First, however, he needed to find out the state of the guards. The success of his plan depended on how alert they were.

Using a small spell, Vaati eavesdropped on the young guard he had seen eyeing him from across the room.

"...suspicious," the guard was whispering. "I don't like his proximity to the king, either."

"But he's wearing purple!" his fellow guard whispered back. "What could a guy in purple do?"

"Well... I read somewhere that purple is a sign of royalty. Maybe he wants to be king."

Vaati saw them peer at him.

The second guard grunted. "He sticks up his nose a lot."

"He's also probably a good dancer. I think that has to do with wearing purple, too."

"...Where do you read this stuff, man?"

"Uh... I'm not sure, but I think I found it in a book series written by some guy named Tingle..."

Vaati scoffed and lifted his glass. The guards were as foolish as their king. Taking over Hyrule was going to be as easy as tying Ezlo's beard to his bed post. Vaati pressed the glass to his lips and tilted his head back.

"And BAM!"

Vaati jumped up in surprise, spilling his drink across his face and down his tunic front. His foot snagged on his cape, and he quickly fell onto the chair again.

"Oh dear, and it was such a good drink, too!" Dolt exclaimed sadly.

Vaati swiped angrily at his face. His fingers came back covered in a filmy, slimey, icky, sticky, tingling, blue substance. Vaati stared.

"Do you have any _idea_ what they make this stuff out of?" he growled.

"Not a bit," the geezer Smith said warily, eyeing his glass.

"But it's supposed to be rare and exotic," Dolt pointed out.

"Of course. What a _great_ reason for drinking it," Vaati retorted. He studied his violet tunic. By some idiosyncrasy of life, the blue liquid stood out clearly on the fabric. Only magic would be able to clean it up.

_'Well, I can't sit here in dirty and unfashionable disgrace until the speech!'_ he thought in repulsion. There was no way but a flashy way to magically clean his tunic. Still, this situation might actually work to his advantage...

The blue drink was also known as Blue Picolyte, something exclusively made in his old Minish Village. How the king had obtained it was a mystery. If someone drank it, Blue Picolyte made it easier for them to find items. So it might help him find an item, say, like the _Light Force_.

Vaati had found himself a brilliant plan. He was going to drink the Picolyte and quickly excuse himself. Then he would allow the power of the drink, enhanced by a spell, to lead him to the Light Force. The feast-goers would be quick to realize that he was more than a champion when he got back: they would see that he had become a god!

Vaati stood up and lifted the King's glass out of his pudgy hand.

"Huh? That's mine…"

Vaati downed the Picolyte in two swallows. Immediately, he felt the power surge through him.

Vaati quickly brought his pale hands together under his cloak, creating two spells. His plan? He was going to create a clone that would temporarily replace him at the table. Meanwhile, he would be invisible, searching the castle for that magnificent Light Force. _'Nice and steady...' _he thought.

Vaati narrowed his eyes. _'Now, for a quiet, sneaky exit...'_ A sly grin spread across his face as he completed the cloning and invisibility spells.

. . .His eyes widened.

***KA**_**BOOM!***_

A huge explosion of magic blasted like happy, colorful fireworks up to the ceiling, releasing a shock wave that swooped out and rocked everyone around in their seats. The guards threw up their shields and stepped in disbelief towards the spot where the Sword Champion had stood mere seconds before.

"Don't worry. He'll be back," King Dolt chuckled, sneaking Smith's glass of Picolyte. Smith didn't notice. He was too busy gaping in awe at his own fist that he had slammed against the table.


End file.
